New Riffs

New Riffs
Military Intelligence…. no really, stop laughing.

Wife 1.0

May 8th, 2008

Dear Tech Support,
Last year I upgraded from Girlfriend 7.0 to Wife 1.0. I soon noticed that the new program began unexpected child processing that took up a lot of space and valuable resources.
In addition, Wife 1.0 installed itself into all other programs and now monitors all other system activities, such as Poker Night 10.3, Football 5.0, Going to the Pub 7.5, and Softball 3.6
I can’t seem to keep Wife 1.0 in the background while attempting to run my other favorite applications. I’m thinking about going back to Girlfriend 7.0, but the uninstall doesn’t work on Wife 1.0.
Please help!
Thanks,
Troubled User…..
_____________________
REPLY:
Dear Troubled User:
This is a very common problem that men often complain about.
Many people upgrade from Girlfriend 7.0 to Wife 1.0, thinking that it is just a Utilities and Entertainment program. Wife 1.0 is an OPERATING SYSTEM and is designed by its Creator to run EVERYTHING!!! It is also impossible to delete Wife 1.0 and to return to Girlfriend 7.0. It is impossible to uninstall, or purge, the program files from the system once installed.
You cannot go back to Girlfriend 7.0 because Wife 1.0 is designed to not allow this. Look in your Wife 1.0 manual under Warnings: Alimony-Child Support. I recommend that you keep Wife 1.0 and work on improving the situation. I suggest installing the background application Yes Dear 2.7 to alleviate your program problems.
The best course of action is to enter the command C:\APOLOGIZE! Because ultimately you will have to give the APOLOGIZE command before the system will return to normal anyway.
Wife 1.0 is a great program, but it tends to be very high maintenance! Wife 1.0 does come with several support programs, such as Clean and Sweep 3.0, Cook It 1.5, and Do Bills 4.2
However, be very careful how you use these programs. Improper use will cause the system to launch the program Nag Nag 9.5. Once this happens, the only way to improve the performance of Wife 1.0 is to purchase additional software. I recommend Flowers 2.1 and Diamonds 5.0
WARNING!!! DO NOT, under any circumstances, install Secretary With Short Skirt 3.3 . This application is not supported by Wife 1.0 and will cause irreversible damage to the operating system!
Best of luck,
Tech Support

My Motorcycle … =]

May 1st, 2008

hey shawn … well, i just had to do it, since you did, you know, keepin’ up wit’ the Jones type of a thing … i got a motorcycle … it’s not official until this morning but i already talked to the bank and they said, “Go for it” … 1st link is basically what the body style is, with the correct gas tank, back-rest and handlebars but with no windshield … 2nd link is what it looks like with the exhaust pipes like the one i’m getting has already on it …

1999 HD FXDX Dina Sport

With These Pipes

Ubuntu - Initial Test

April 17th, 2008

Sorry I haven’t been on here in a while. When i DO get on, I’ve been testing out this new operating system, Ubuntu. As far as I can tell, it’s some sort of linux, all spiffied up…. which makes testing very difficult. Learning windows was easy, but this stuff gets all weird. I greatly suspect it’s because of the security it offers. So, for those of you that are tired of WinBlows, and wanna try something new, here’s my first experiences……

Hardware - Software and hardware go hand in hand, and one is useless without the other. In order for your system to work, you’ll need drivers for the hardware. Unfortunately, hardware manufacturers don’t necessarily make drivers for Linux based systems because hardly any people even use it. That said, it’s inevitable that you either ‘just get lucky’ or, some nice person out there builds the drivers from scratch. Here’s a couple of scenarios…..

I’ve been trying to get this old computer, that Joey gave me, to run Ubuntu, but I can’t even get it installed. Later on I realized the the hard drive controller was a SCSI chipset. This type of setup isn’t all that common, but it’s around enough that I’d think there should be SOMETHING to make it work. Afterall, linux was built by super geeks, and super geeks LOVE scsi. Anyways, until I find a manual fix, that box is never going to see linux. For those of you asking ‘What is SCSI?’…. If you don’t know, then don’t worry about it…. you DON’T have it, and probably never will.

Another situation is my sound, but not the regular sound. I have an Echo Mia audio card used for multi-track recording. Since the manufacturer didn’t write any drivers for linux (big surprise), I had to hunt the drivers down myself. Luckily, there is a whole group of people out there dedicated to developing sound drivers for Linux…. even the oddball cards like I got. I ‘think’ I found what I needed, but I’m still trying to figure out out to set them up…. a little more complicated than windows.

So basically, if you have an really old, odd, or brand spanking new hardware hot off the press, then chances are, you might have some difficulty getting things to run. However, the newer the equipment, the better off you probably are. For most of you out there, it shouldn’t be a problem. For those that like the kick ass sound cards, super killer graphics cards, or whatever…. then you might have issues for a while, but will probably get a fix sometime soon.

Software - This one is kinda sucky. Since Ubuntu is completely different than windows from the ground up, that means any software you want MUST be written specifically for Ubuntu (or Linux… jury is still out on that). In other words, walk into any store and look at the software selection….. you can’t run ANY of it. The market is saturated with windows based software, and even Mac is picking up speed. But linux users are left in the dust.

However, that doesn’t mean you don’t get any options! The system menu has something called Synaptic Package Manager. Running that will connect the software to Ubuntu’s servers, where you’ll find all kinds of software written for linux users…. and it’s all FREE. You can get free office software, free games, free anything you want. The trouble is grinding through the list to find what you need. Linux doesn’t work the same way as Windows, and to put it more simply - You can actually install ‘portions’ of software.

Example - Ubuntu comes with some audio software, automatically. But the software wouldn’t play MP3’s… major bummer. So I did some looking, and it appears that the software needed a plugin for those types of files. I then used the Synaptic Package Manager to browse for updates on this audio software. While looking, there was a whole list of plugins for this file type, that file type, etc…. all over the damn place. In the end, Ubuntu/Linux’s theory is ‘give them ONLY what they need’. After that, it’s all about customizing your system by installing the things you want. For some, this sounds stupid, but the reality is, it makes for a much more stripped down system, with programs that run better, faster, and securely (more on this later).

I also tested out the cross compatibility of the office software. James sent me an MS Office 2007 Excel spreadsheet to try…. the test resulted in complete failure. Not only could the built-in office software (Open Office) not open the file, but it completely crashed. The menus where all scrambled with different oddball characters, and the file was empty. I closed the program, and restarted Open Office by itself…. still broken. I restarted the computer… still broken. Finally, I completely removed it from the system and re-installed it (with the handy package manager), and everything worked out great. (note to self…. don’t do that again). I’m told that using MS Office files shouldn’t be a problem, but I suspect that is an ‘update’ sort of thing. Open Office probably needs to be updated, by the original people, to handle the newest versions of MS Office files. And it wouldn’t surprise me in the least if ‘ol Bill put something in there to crash Open Office… after all… it’s FREE office software.

So, by now you’re saying ‘Why even bother?’

Two reasons - Security and Stability

Security - Almost ALL viruses, malware, spyware, and fuck-you-in-the-ass software is obtained by opening suspicious emails, or just browsing the net (yes, you can get all that crap from just LOOKING at a page). Two reasons make Ubuntu/Linux far more secure than windows….

1) Structure - In order for ANYTHING to be changed in the system regarding functionality, you’re required a password. To put it simply, this would be like having a password on your windows ‘program files’ and ‘windows’ folders. Software trying to access these areas to make changes would hit a brick wall every time, and Linux password security level is nothing to laugh at. Linux is based on the Unix operating system, which is THE operating system for the largest corporations in the world. If you work for a big company, and they don’t use a version of Unix, then they suck…. period… no questions asked.

2) 99.9% of viruses and such, are written specifically for windows based systems. Not only because it’s the most common OS across the planet, but because linux based users usually (but not in my case) know what their doing with their system. So, to write a virus for linux would be pointless. i.e. - The users would know how to fix the problem within minutes, by hand, without much effort. Not only that, but because the virus is written for windows, Linux won’t physically know what to do with the files. Linux is written differently from the ground up, so it doesn’t understand what an ‘executable’ file is…. so it ignores it all together.

Stability - Sometimes computer problems are a result of trying to ‘make everyone happy’. This means creating software thats bundled to the hilt with boatloads of extras that you may never use.  This is where you end up running into problems. Software written to handle every type of scenario is bloated, which leads to all kinds of funky things in the windows registry. Even if you uninstall your software in windows, there’s always crap left behind in the registry, which makes for slower startups, goofy anomalies, etc. Just by shear design, windows is made to fall to pieces, right outa the box.

Linux on the other hand, forces you to install ONLY what you need. And if you don’t want it anymore, there is none of this registry bullshit. Nothing left behind, no loose ends… nadda, zip. If you want the software gone, it’s fricking history. Because of this type of setup, the ‘core’ of the system can not be modified (for the most part) by external software. So basically, your OS sits all by itself, watching over your software like little children. And if the kids are fucking up, then you send them off to adoption. =)

In the end, if you’re a gamer (mark) or have a business to run directly from your computer (james), Ubuntu probably wouldn’t be a good thing to look at. No support for the latest games, and only SOME support for business related software (though I did spy some karaoke software somewhere in the package manager).

However, if you’re just using your computer to surf the net, listen to music, get e’mail, and any other normal day-to-day stuff, then I’d seriously give it a whirl. Chances are, your Ubuntu box will be running at the same level of security and stability 5 years from now… unlike windows, which is due to give away all your information and crash at any given moment.

K… I’m done geeking out…. going to bed.

Mail From The Woods

April 10th, 2008

As you know, I receive e’mails from customers and clients from time to time, and like I posted before… it’s never short on the humor. So here’s yet another comical letter from the outdoors crowd! Keep in mind tho, that this guy is from Norway, and his English isn’t so good (which makes it funny as all hell), but… he openly admitted that several e’mails before this. Other than that… he’s a real nice fella, with pic!

—————–

Smile, I am back from a long walk in the Snow. I had to make a trip outside. I have been working on the computer to long. So my head start hurting. I was walking in a snowmobile track. And the sky was clear and sparkling. So I was happy when I saw your mail after my return from the forest.

Yes I told you  that I was bad in English. So now you understood me here. 1 package of 12 8 strands Body Material inside each box. Do not worry it is very easy to sell this product of yours. So if no one will buy my DVD with all the items inside, I can sell it like it is..

I make about 1200 off those flies a year. This streamer called “Steinsmetten”, type. I made normaly 20 000 flies a year. But now I can not do that anymore.

So now peoples can make their own flies. This Sculpin pattern is very good here in Norway and Scandinavian. Darrel Martin told me that I could be very famouse in America with this fly pattern too. If I want of course. I am just a little bit to shy I think. So that is why, I have never been there and showed the American peoples how I make them. Smile.

But one day I will, and then I will be happy to visit you and your company too..

Take your time. Please do not stress about the picture. You have enough to do. But I would be happy to receive a picture of the products and maybe you too. I will send you a picture of myself so you have a face too the name. Ok.

Read the rest of this entry »

Butterfly

March 22nd, 2008

Devils Vs Aves …

March 18th, 2008

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mark

Devils Vs Aves

Cannibal Corpse

March 7th, 2008

Quote:
What happens when you cross Cannibal Corpse with the infamous Tommy Seebach’s cover of Apache? You get this video made of 100% AWESOME!

Nerd Porn

March 4th, 2008

In response to Summers comments about ‘porn’ on my site, I thought I’d add a little more. Hey, Nerds need lovin’ too!

Stumbled on this vid, and thought ‘Hell Yeah! Nerd chicks ROCK!’. Don’t worry, it’s safe for the kiddies…..

Nerd Girls

February 27th, 2008

8 Track Porn

February 21st, 2008

This is fricking hilarious! The owner of this site came across some porn…. on 8 track tape! No, not movie porn… just audio. I swear, one of the women sounds like she at least 50 years old. hahhaha

Scroll down and you’ll see some links to some ‘favorite’ audio clips from the tape. CLASSIC!

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